Cole's birth

Since I began dilating and effacing at 34 weeks along, my doctor, along with the rest of us, were sure that Cole was coming much earlier than his expected due date.  I would experience tightening quite often, but I wouldn't notice it unless I was actually touching my belly, because I never felt any cramping or pain.  Week after week went by, and I continued to progress, but no baby!  I would normally be perfectly fine with this (after all, my first wish was to be able to labor at home as much as possible before going to the hospital) but because I was tested positive for Group B Strep at 8 weeks pregnant, that meant I needed to be on 4 hours of antibiotics during labor, before the baby arrived.  Our biggest concern was that with me being dilated to a 4+ at 38 weeks, my chances of not being in active labor long enough to be on the antibiotic were high, and I didn't want to have to send my new baby to the NICU for 2 days!  So, here was the debate...should I be induced, or not?  It seemed like everyone was telling me that I should...just set the date and get it over-with.  But my intuition told me otherwise.  I have never wanted to be induced, and I didn't feel like that was the right thing to do for my baby.  I had strong feelings that he would come when he was ready, and when it was the right time...so that meant I needed to pay very close attention to my silent contractions and practice being very patient!  My doctor was incredible through all of this, and was completely supportive of our decision which made things so much easier.

38.4 weeks

The morning of December 10th I called Shane at work to tell him that something felt different, but I wasn't sure what it was.  We decided that I should move up my appointment from the 13th to the 11th because I wasn't feeling the baby move very much.  Shane was able to be with me, and I will never forget the fun we had as we waited for my doctor to finish delivering a baby before he could see me.  He hadn't known that he would be delivering a baby until I was already undressed and waiting for my exam, so the nurses told me to just wait.  SO...I sat there, halfway undressed for 45 minutes while we waited - it was hilarious, and we laughed almost the whole time.  We didn't realize that our baby would be coming so soon, so as I look back now I feel so grateful that we had that fun time with each other without any worry or responsibility.
After my exam my doctor told us that not only was I continuing to progress, but that I had been having regular contractions during the entire appointment.  He told us that we could walk right over to labor and delivery right then if we wanted, but we decided to go home and wait things out - just in case I really wasn't in labor.  When we were leaving he said, "I am expecting to get a call from labor and delivery later on tonight!" but we doubted him!
Around 7:30 pm I noticed that I had been experiencing painless contractions, but they seemed to be happening at regular intervals.  By 8:00 they were happening consistently every 3 minutes, and lasting for one minute.  Shane and I still doubted that this could really be true labor, because everyone had told me that I would KNOW when I went into active labor.  The tightening didn't stop, so we decided to put our bags in the car, and head up to labor and delivery to be checked.
As we arrived, Shane buzzed in and said "um, I think my wife is in labor..." I'm sure the nurses thought we were crazy, because as we walked in I wasn't in any pain whatsoever.  They got our information and asked me to get changed into a gown to be checked.  It was 9:30 pm when they got me hooked up to measure my contractions, and at that time they were happening every 2 minutes apart and lasting for one and a half minutes a piece, leaving me 30 seconds in between for recovery.  I was dilated to a 5 and completely effaced.  The nurse looked at me with wide eyes and said "do you need your epidural now?!  You are in serious labor!"  Shane and I couldn't believe it...this was actually it!  I was actually in TRUE ACTIVE (painless) LABOR!
We were kept in triage for a couple hours because there weren't any delivery rooms available (I felt quite like Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ at this point...there was no room in the Inn for us!).  During our wait in triage, 6 other couples came in to be checked...all were sent home.

We are staying...I am in labor!

waiting in triage...check out those contractions!

Around midnight, room 5 became available.  It was so nice to finally get settled in our quiet, dimly lit delivery room.  Mom, Brooke, and Shane's mom were with us, and we were later joined by dad and Shane's dad.  We brought my ipod and speakers and had peaceful music playing, and we had packed treats for everyone to share while we waited.  I actually quite enjoyed snacking on the ice chips...really.  I thought they tasted so good!  At this point I was dilated to a 6+, and the only pain I felt was very bearable, (hardly noticeable most of the time) and all located in my lower back.  It took me awhile to get to a 7+, but once I got there, Patricia, my nurse, told me that if I wanted an epidural, I needed to get it now, or else I wouldn't be able to get one.  Because it had been my plan all along to get the epidural, I agreed to it.  I remember Patricia asking me before the epidural was done what I would rate my pain as on a scale of 1-10...I answered 2...my body was shocking me...I couldn't believe that my labor had been so easy.

Right before the epidural, dilated to a 7+

Dr. Madlang was the anesthesiologist that did my epidural, and he was incredible...mostly because he was dealing with an EXTREMELY wimpy and emotional woman during the whole ordeal!  Going through labor was a CINCH compared to getting that IV.  I think if I had been feeling more pain from the contractions, I would have welcomed the pressure and pain from the epidural, but I honestly could hardly handle getting it done.  I really struggle with IVs, let alone a massive one.  I completely wore myself out just through the process of getting the epidural - and looking back now, I wish I hadn't even gotten it!  I was doing perfectly fine, and know that I could have made it through the delivery.  Yes, it would have been painful, but I could have done it.  (I beg the dentist to do all my cavities without the numbing - that's how much I can't stand the needles and numbing sensation)
I was given what is called a "walking epidural", which meant I could maneuver my entire body on my own.  The numbing sensation was limited to a certain area and it only dulled the pain - it didn't remove it.  However, just feeling any sensation of numbness really bothered me, and made me nauseous.  Obviously, my labor really slowed down at this point because I wasn't able to allow my body to progress on its own.  By 3:00 am, Patricia told me that they were going to start me on pitocin (the induction drug) to speed up my labor.  I asked to not be put on any medication, because I felt strongly about letting my body, and the baby, go through this process on their own.  I instead asked for my water to be broken to help the labor progress.  About a half hour later when Patricia came to have the resident break my water, they found that it had broken on its own!  YES!  Within about 45 very exciting minutes, I was dilated to a 10.
I now had a different nurse, Sara, who was incredible.  She was so responsive to me wanting my body and the baby to progress on their own and helped me do just that through natural methods.  Instead of pushing the baby down to crowning, I was able to lie in different positions so the baby could come down on his own.  It was very relaxing, and fun to visit with my family and the nurse during that hour. Once he was crowning, Sara called my doctor.
At this point, my light epidural was very weak - just how I wanted it to be.  I could obviously feel all the pressure, but I also felt sensations of pain through the delivery, which I welcomed.  Everything felt so surreal...seeing the baby's nurse come in, getting the scale and other items ready to go, moving the bed to prepare for delivery, and seeing the table get prepped with everything needed.  It was such an exciting moment when my doctor arrived, and seeing him get ready for the delivery only heightened my thrill for what was happening.  I wasn't afraid...I was so ready!  Mom, Dad, Brooke, my mother in law, and Shane, all stood at the head of the bed during the delivery, and Shane was so helpful in helping hold up my body while I pushed.  Because I was able to feel almost everything, I was able to direct my own pushing instead of having the nurse direct...I could push when I felt like I needed to.  I began pushing, and with each push I could see concern building on my doctor's face...after my fourth push he told me that I had very high chances of having a periurethral laceration (tearing upward), and asked my permission to do an episiotomy.  I was fine with it (who in the world would want to tear upward?!).  One more push and I heard the nurse and doctor exclaim "wow, he has two cords!" which meant that the cord was wrapped around his neck twice...yes, if you remember, this baby was extremely active in my belly!  One more easy push and he was here...his warm body was placed onto mine...and I couldn't believe my eyes that he was here.  My chest could hardly contain my swelling heart as I looked at him, and listened to my family all shouting for joy "He is here!  Look at him!  I can't believe he is here!"  My sweet doctor picked up my sweet baby, whose cries were quiet, looked at him and calmly announced that after almost 4 years of waiting, he was here...we had done it...this had actually happened.  Cole was here.

He was actually born at 6:35 :)

He wouldn't stop wiggling to be weighed

Right after delivery...we did it!

Shane, Cole, me, Dr. Seale

My amazing nurse, Sara, Shane, Cole, me, Dr. Seale

Cole with Grandma and Grandpa Stratford (their 12th grandchild born on 12.12.12)

Cole with Grandma and Grandpa Ferguson (number 15 for them)

Cole being held by his Aunt Brookie (who loves him like he is her own!  Thank you sis!)

Right after the delivery I was so exhausted from being up all night (and wasting my energy on that darn epidural!).  I tried to hold my baby, but I felt like I was going to drop him because I had zero energy left!  I don't remember much after that because I was in and out of sleep, but I am so glad that Cole was able to be held and loved by everyone in that room.  What a lucky baby!

After an hour or so we were taken to our recovery room where I was able to get up and shower right away...that shower felt like a piece of heaven!  Shane and I were on cloud nine,  and enjoyed every single part of recovery.  The food was amazing, visitors were welcomed (although I missed getting pictures of most of them...), and the care and teaching I received from the postpartum nurses was so nice.  

Cole with Rachel

Cole with Aunt Brookie

Grandma Ferguson

Cole with Grandma Stratford
The reindeer hat was a tad too large!

Because Cole was jaundice, we wanted to get him in the sun as much as possible...but during our hospital stay we only had sunlight for about 10 minutes!  Shane quickly picked him up to hold him in the sun.

Going home!  

What an incredible experience it was having Cole.  If I could go through labor and delivery a thousand times, I would!  I enjoyed every single second of it, and Shane and I have completely enjoyed being parents.  It feels like we have had Cole all along...and it makes me wonder what I ever did with my life before he joined our family!

Our sweet baby Cole...

Cole Michael

12.12.12

6:35 am

6 pounds 12 ounces

19.5 inches

Heaven has brought us more joy in one tiny body than we ever thought imaginable...

and we will forever say that the long road to getting here was worth every minute.

We love you, sweet baby.

baby boy and ballerina beauties

Here is baby boy at 34.5 weeks...I am now 37 weeks (and bigger too...)!!

I love, LOVE to be holding my baby so close to the front of me, to feel his strong movements, and know that he and I are inseparable...for now at least. 

I recently talked about my struggle with remembering left from right, and how my dancers are so good to help me out when I make mistakes.  They continually make me feel so good about my changing body, and have grown to love this little baby boy and his presence in our classroom.

We think we're so funny...

We frequently laugh about how funny it looks to see a third trimester pregnant woman on pointe...and no, I can't do very much with them on.  I try, but then my feet cramp up too badly when I try to heave my heavy upper body onto my toes... looks like my pointe days are running out until AFTER baby makes his appearance.

We've been so busy with finishing the basement, arranging the baby's room, getting through Nutcracker rehearsals and performances, and biggest of all, preparing and solidifying ideas for Primary next year...

now that those things are beginning to come to a close I find myself dreaming endlessly about this sweet baby.  The big day is coming quickly, yet not fast enough!  If you have any advice on what to bring to the hospital, please let me know!

32 weeks...wow!

29 weeks

How far along?  32 weeks, 8 weeks left
How big is the baby?  If you were to ask me, I would say he is HUGE because I feel huge!  According to the books, he is almost 4 pounds.
Maternity Clothes?  Um...yes.  A friend introduced me to the maternity section at Ross that I never knew existed.  It has been a life saver!  Their clothing is so much more inexpensive than anywhere else.
Sleep?  Well, even when I'm not pregnant I don't sleep well.  I get up about 3-5 times a night to use the restroom, and another 3-5 times during the night because baby boy pushes his feet against my side and hits my tickle spots!
Best moment this week?  Shane was sweet enough to let me fly to California to vacation for a few days with my family.  While I was gone he finished up painting our basement!  We will be getting carpet tomorrow, which means very soon we will be able to begin working on baby boy's room.
Movement?  This little one doesn't STOP moving!  My belly looks like I have a huge fish flopping around in there.  If I fold my arms against my belly, he pushes back with all his might.

32 weeks

If I lie on my side in bed, he kicks and kicks against the mattress until I roll over to the other side...then he will kick the other side of me until I roll over again (another reason why I don't sleep very well!).
Food Cravings?  During most of my pregnancy I have been drawn to fresh fruits and vegetables.  Lately I have been wanting crispy french fries in the mix.
Food Aversions?  None.
Hormonal buggers?  Luckily I haven't been very "hormonal" during this pregnancy, but recently I have been extremely bothered by mouth sounds.  Shane woke up to me bawling and covering my ears in the middle of the night a few weeks ago because I was so bothered by the sounds he was making in his sleep!  Poor Shane...I try to not let it bother me but I can't help it!
Labor Signs?  I get braxton hicks contractions multiple times a day.  They aren't painful, but my belly gets so super hard!  I actually didn't even realize that they were contractions until my mom told me ;)
What am I looking forward to?  Being able to do something about this nesting.  Once our carpet comes, I will be able to REALLY clean and prepare for baby!
Weekly Wisdom?  Having a baby doesn't mean you have to spend hundreds of dollars on equipment.  There have been so many items that I would LOVE to have, but they just weren't practical in price.  I found bedding for $40, travel system (car seat, base, and stroller) for $60, super cute diaper bag for $30, I haven't spent hardly anything on maternity clothing, etc...and all of these things were brand new and had great reviews.  We have also been given many hand-me-downs that are in perfect condition...using hand-me-downs is okay!

I feel like my pregnancy has FLOWN by, and I'm beginning to feel rushed to get things done and ready for when this little boy arrives.  SO super excited to have him here!  If you have any advice for me, please share!

right, or left? woes of a pregnant woman

Being pregnant has brought on some silly traits in me, one being that I seriously can't figure out right from left anymore.
While I teach ballet I will ask the girls to begin with their right foot in front (but in my head I am thinking LEFT foot).  They will all obey and put their right foot in front...then I proceed to boldly announce, "GIRLS.  I asked you to put your right foot in front. Please listen to what I am asking you to do!" (all while I am standing there with my left foot in front)
...of course none of them move and they all start looking around wide-eyed as if to say, "um...I'm not exactly sure what you want me to do here..." until one of the girls will dare to raise her hand to tell me that indeed they DO have their right foot in front.
Ugh, seriously?  Am I really that unintelligent?  Did I really just get upset at my dancers for following my instructions perfectly?!  And I promise you, this happens every single day that I teach.  Every.single.day.
Let's proceed to jazz class.  On the walk over from one studio to the other, I hold out each hand and lecture myself..."okay Kenzie, this hand is your left hand.  This hand is your right hand.  Left, right.  Get it right."  It doesn't work.  I STILL struggle...I still get stern with my dancers...I still feel totally embarrassed when I have to be corrected by a 10 year old.
And what's up with by ever hardening belly?  I can't for the life of me complete all of my jazz stretches with my dancers because the massive basketball that has implanted itself up underneath my rib cage doesn't deflate enough for me to be able to reach my toes.  Weird...this is something I definitely have never experienced before!  What makes it totally hilarious is that while I am strangling myself to get my hands near my feet to stretch, my little dancers mimic me, as if they should be feeling a stretch by not stretching at all.  Oh it makes me laugh!  Then I have to say "don't follow me!  You don't have a baby in your belly!  STRETCH!"
All of this is so new, so different, and so extremely exciting.  I may be big bellied and unintelligent, but I am becoming a mother.  I am blessed to still be able to be up on my feet teaching dance to many beautiful young girls, who don't judge me for my inconsistencies.  They compliment me on my teaching outfits (that are much to tight to be cute anymore), and cheer when I can still get into my splits, only to hold them for ONE second before I think my legs might rip out from underneath me.  Baby boy loves to move around while I attempt to show a pirouette, and especially while I am teaching a new petit allegro combination.  It reminds me that ALL of this is heaven sent, and meant to be.
(okay...but it really would help if I could remember right from left...honestly. oh well!)

Projects that NEVER end

You all remember that super adorable, well made dresser that Shane and I decided to re-finish for the baby's room?  We thought we had such a good idea and a fun project on our hands...

NOT.

The dresser took LOTS of sanding, and more than half of it had to be done by hand.  Because the sanding was so hard to do by hand, we decided to try some paint stripper to quicken the project.  The paint stripper didn't work...it only made the sanding worse.  It was like sanding through layers of glue, plus the stain on the dresser.  After tons of work and backache, it was finally ready for primer.

Primer went pretty smoothly, except that the dresser pretty much drank it up.  We had to do three coats of primer to even barely cover the wood!  Once that was finished, I began to paint.  While I was painting, something just didn't seem right...the paint was super thick and wouldn't spread on very well.  Once it dried it was really rough (there would be NO way to clean or wipe off the dresser if it got dirty...which it will with a baby!).  I was SO disappointed.  Back to sanding.

Shane and I then decided to try spray painting it, because we had heard of so many people who have had great success with spraying furniture.  We studied everything on how to do it just right, bought all the right tools, and showed up PUMPED that this time, it was actually going to work!  We just knew it.  After an hour of taping off the inside of the dresser and all the drawers (painful process) we began to spray.  IT DIDN'T WORK.  For some reason the wood wouldn't take the paint smoothly and it looked awful...even after all the proper preparation.  Plus, since we were doing this project at my parent's house, we realized that even after placing tons of drapes down underneath the dresser, the white spray paint still went all over their garage floor, walls, tools, etc.  We felt awful, and we were so upset and ready to throw in the towel...we were spending so much money on this dresser just trying to make it work, AND we were ruining my parent's property doing so!  We left that day feeling quite down.

That same day my cute parents put their heads together to try to figure out how to make the dresser work.  They sanded it down (again) and borrowed some paint that my sister in law had been using to paint a table in her home.  After trying out this new, super cool, super expensive paint...IT WORKED! This paint was totally amazing...it actually went on smoothly and made the surface just perfect.  After a few coats, the dresser looked just how we wanted it to.  

So, I am happy to announce that after a whole month of backache, heartache, and frustration, the dresser is happily sitting in the baby's room (but I still don't love it enough to take a picture to show you...it's going to take some time people).  Oh wait...have I even TOLD you about the baby's room?  

...it's a mess.

...a complete and total disaster.

And it all stared with our great idea to finish our basement (which is still a good idea, I'm just DONE with projects)...

Every piece of furniture and accessories that belong in the basement are filling up the baby's room...and there is no room to even organize the mess that is going on in there.  

We are in the beginning stages of painting the basement, and now that you know my feelings about paint, I am feeling overwhelming amounts of anxiety just getting started on it.  I need it done, and I need it done NOW.  It has taken us forever to get to this point, and I worry that it's going to be forever from here until it is done.  

But it can't take forever...you know why?  We have a sweet little baby boy on his way in just 10 short weeks, and he has nowhere to call a room (unless he wanted to sleep on boxes of bathroom fixtures...).  

You know why else?  That little boy's mama is going crazy with not being able to really prepare for him...to make sure that the house is clean (I don't even remember my house without dust, despite the fact that I dust every day), that the rooms are organized, and to establish a feeling of warmth and peace in this home once again.

I don't even have the mental capacity to post pictures of this mess right now...but I'm sure you can conjure up a great image in your minds of what I am going through.

What I need to remember is that all of this has come about because of this little blessing that we are calling our son.  We already love him more than our hearts can contain, which makes me inevitably love the chaos that is happening here.  

I'm just ready for it to be over...before he arrives ;)

Progress on finishing our basement

Shane helped my brother in law frame the basement in our home before we bought it from them

After my Dad taught Shane some things about electrical, he got right to work.  Above is Shane finishing up the electrical work in the hallway and bathroom.

Here is the biggest room in our basement (one side of it).  It is framed to be used either as a double bedroom or an entertainment room, and is wired to do such.  On the right side of this room from this view is a walk in closet and children's play area. This is the room before sheetrock. 

After sheetrock...walk in closet, and children's play area.

The other side of the big room...before sheetrock

After sheetrock.  The little area to the left will have a desk as a work/homework area, with a bi-fold closet to the right.

Looking down the hallway from the big room...after sheetrock

Directly to the right is our furnace room, to the left is small storage.  Further down on the right is the bathroom, and at the end is a small room with a bigger storage room attached.

Looking into the bathroom...before sheetrock

Looking straight into the bathroom...after sheetrock.  It's hard to get a good picture of the bathroom!

This is the other small room, looking down the hallway and into the big room.  The bathroom is through the doorway on the left.  Directly behind me is the bigger storage area, closed off with a door.

We have taken countless trips to The Home Depot for supplies!  Cute Dundee has been with us every step of the way :)

All of the work has been completed by Shane except for the sheetrock/mud/tape.  Framing (assisted brother in law), electrical, vent work, window sill, closet shelving, door casing, hanging doors, and baseboard have all been done.  What a guy.

Tomorrow Shane will be tiling the bathroom floor, and putty and caulking the entire basement to get ready for PAINT!

brakes, baby dresser, boating, & Brigham City Temple

Here are a few things that we have been up to in the past week...

Shane replaced the rotors on his car, and the brakes on both of our cars.  I am completely amazed that he was able to learn from my brother and teach himself within one day of how to do this!  It was a lot of work, but saved us a TON of money.  Go Shaney!

This cute dresser (pictured without the drawers or cupboard door) is going to go in the baby's room.  

We picked it up at a fundraising yard sale for $25, and it is so nice.  It is solid maple, very heavy and sturdy, the drawers pull so smoothly, and will be perfect for the baby. 

Shane and I have been working on refinishing it...we sanded it all down, and even had to sand all of the moldings by hand (I thought I was going to die from how hard it was!).

 Here is the dresser with one coat of prime.  It now has a second coat, and is ready for paint.

I have a whole new respect for people who love to refinish furniture...it isn't easy!

Shane and I also took some friends boating yesterday at Pineview.  Baby boy had a fantastic time!  

26.4 weeks

Mom, Brooke, and I (and baby boy) went to the Brigham City Temple open house today, and afterward had lunch at Maddox.  What a fun day out with the two women I look up to and love the most!  

my hillbilly man

We thought the day would never come when Shane would be the one in the oral surgeon's operation chair instead of me...but it happened, a little over a week ago!
When Shane was in high school, he knocked out one of his front teeth skiing.  When that happened, the dentist put some bleach in the now dead tooth, and shoved it back into his root with some cement.  Done.
Well, 10+ years later, the area around that tooth had become completely infected and the root had disintegrated quite a bit.  Our only option was for the surgeon to pull out the tooth, whatever root was left, clean out all of the infection, add in some bone graft, and put in a post for a tooth implant.
Luckily, Shane's surgeon had done 8 surgeries on me, and Shane works as a nurse in the room that he operates in at the hospital, so we have a great relationship with him.  He did an amazing job with the surgery, and now Shane is stuck with only one front tooth for the next few months until the implant can be completed!  (hence the nickname hillbilly...) What a good sport.

Here he is right before the operation.  I had to get one last picture of Shane with his REAL tooth!  His front right tooth is the one they had to pull out.

Dundee kept Shane great company the day he came home from surgery.  He is holding a piece of gauze in his mouth where the missing tooth is.

The day after surgery, still being accompanied by the animals.  (Can you tell they are only allowed on the sofa if there is a blanket there?  Good animals... :) )

Shane is feeling so much better and can hardly wait to get his tooth in for many reasons...

the first being so he can bite into a slice of pizza. ;)

Yesterday was a hard day.

For one reason or another, yesterday afternoon found me sitting in my home with hot tears streaming down my face.  I felt as though I couldn't stop my emotion as I pondered many events that have taken place over the past week...events almost completely out of my control.
Shane and I decided to get out of the house and go for a walk.  I wanted to wear cool, comfortable clothes...but of course, I didn't have any clothing in that category that fit my changing body, and I felt frustrated.  I ended up still wearing a comfortable outfit, it was just warmer than I would have chosen.  As we stepped outside, the sun and heat hit us like a ton of bricks.  I tried to keep a positive attitude as we began walking, but I increasingly became more frustrated and emotional.  I just wanted a nice, cool walk to simmer my boiling emotions and freshen my moist, hot face.  We ended up walking for about 10 minutes and came home.
As the day progressed, I couldn't seem to get myself out of that deep, dark hole that was holding me captive.  My eyes were puffy from the tears, and my throat was sore from trying to hold back more tears.  As I climbed into bed late last night, I quietly whispered to my Heavenly Father that all I needed was a little bit of rain...a little bit of rain to wipe away my sorrow and take with it the frustrations of the past week.
This morning it rained.
And it rained again,
and again.
Just enough to remind me that my Savior listens to my sorrow, and he understands my pain.  Just enough rain to remind me that I am okay, really.  Life brings with it sharp rocks sometimes, but as those rocks are tossed amidst the wind and running water, they become smooth and beautiful.
How grateful I have been for that small reminder, a reminder that has helped bring a little bit of the smile back to my face once again.

Mommy and Baby Boy

There are two lullaby songs that Shane and I had decided to sing to our baby before we were even pregnant.  I began to sing these songs to our baby the day I found out that I was expecting, but never once have I been able to get through the songs without becoming overwhelmed with emotion.  I have dreamt about these days for so long now...and now that they are here, I feel like I can't thank my Father in Heaven enough for them.  Every single day I am filled with gratitude that He has chosen and entrusted Shane and myself to become parents to one of His most precious children; to help him grow and learn in the gospel, to help him understand what it means to be genuine and kind, to help him have a desire to be good - even on the days when he might not want to be! 

Baby boy reminds me quite often these days that he is becoming more squished in my belly.  I am able to feel and see his movements so clearly now that he is bigger and stronger...it is an indescribable experience.  He is so active around 11 pm, and again around 2 or 3 am when I am woken up by his little jabs and tickles.  I lie awake at night during those times and feel his little spirit so close...like I am being wrapped up in his love.  I lie awake at night during those times and again am filled with so much gratitude that this tiny miracle is truly ours.

I feel so good.  There are days when I don't think I look so good, but that doesn't matter.  I rotate between the same couple outfits, eat just about the same few things, and still can hardly handle the smell of anything, but that doesn't matter either.  The metallic taste in my mouth and my ever growing itchy belly (that I try desperately not to scratch), are all beautiful reminders of the blessing this little baby boy is to our family...

I will keep singing to you baby boy...I will keep singing every single day, and will never grow tired of feeling those happy tears stream down my face as I think of you.  

You are our baby... our little miracle.

First baby shower...ballet style

Last Sunday Circe and Julie put together a baby shower for both Marianne and myself.  I always forget how much fun all of the Clytie's women have together...we could talk ALL NIGHT LONG!

Julie prepared the amazing spread of food...it was absolutely delicious

Here are a few of the ladies, chatting of course!

I have loved being so close in my pregnancy with Marianne.  She hid her pregnancy from me until she was 19 weeks along (I'm still trying to figure out how she pulled that one off) in hopes that maybe I could get pregnant too.  Well, she must have spread some magic, because obviously I did!  

Oh how I will cherish the summer stretching days Marianne...and how we could laugh all day about our changing bodies :)

As we were finishing opening gifts, Marianne mentioned the Kaysville Theater opener - you know, the one that shows the two guys, one of them keeps all of his wrappers neatly put away, while the other drops his all around the floor, including his gum (eeeewww!).  She proceeded to tell everyone that by taking a look at our opened gifts, she and I must resemble the two guys in that opener... but that's why we get along so well!  Opposites attract.  :)

What a blessing it is to be surrounded by so many thoughtful, giving friends.  I felt overwhelmed as I opened one gift after another...gifts that, to me, all showed the love and excitement that so many people have for this cute little baby boy.

What a fun night...thank you!

I love them...all 40 of them.

"A hundred years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove. 

But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."

Forest E. Witcraft

A conversation I had earlier with my sister sparked so many thoughts and feelings I have had about my "children" in primary.

Like every neighborhood and every primary, ours is filled with a wide array of personalities which has given me the opportunity to learn and grow as I better understand each child that I am able to be around each week.  EACH of them holds a very special place in my heart and in my home.  EACH of them are loved because of who they are right now.  EACH of them are special to me.

I have been in two primary presidencies: the first time I was called under one bishopric to be the 1st counselor, the second time I was called under a different bishopric to be the president.  With each calling and setting apart I was blessed specifically to have a greater understanding and love for the special needs children in our primary.  Tears still well in my eyes as I ponder the feelings I had during those blessings.  

I find myself in silent prayer as to how I can better connect with these specific children, and how I can help our other primary children to better connect with them.  I pray that the Lord's hand will be with mine as I care for them.  I pray that parents of these children will know how much I look up to and love them too...and that I desire to care for their children the way the Lord does.

During class time a few weeks ago I was able to take a walk with one of these children around our church building.  In the past, this child hasn't ever liked holding my hand.  You can imagine how overwhelmed with emotion I felt when he reached out to grasp my hand as we walked.  We took five laps around the church, and when we came back to the primary room, he quietly sat on my lap as we talked about Jesus together.  Those 20 minutes with him were priceless to me.

For the past six months I have loved seeing another of our primary children slowly make his way back to my seat during sharing time.  Each time he walked down the aisle my amazing presidency would grab all of their things and move over so that he could sit between us.  Every Sunday I look forward to the moments that this child and I have to sit together, and although I know he desperately wants to go home, I enjoy the struggle it takes to have him stay with me as we sing the primary songs together.  Oh how I will miss him when he graduates in just a few months!

My life has been so much more full since serving all of the children in my neighborhood.  I hope these children and their parents know how much I love them...EACH of them...the way that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ do.  As far as I'm concerned, I have 40 of the best children in the world.

Totally WICKED.

Shane and I were able to go see the broadway show, "WICKED" last night at the Capitol Theater.  I went into this show not knowing anything about it; all I had heard is that it is all.the.rage now-a-days, so I was pretty excited to see it...and who wouldn't be excited about seeing a broadway show anyway?

We were given the tickets as a gift because I was not able to go to Vietnam, and our seats were AMAZING.  We were right next to the box seats on the first balcony!  Shane and I both loved the show...not only because of the talent put into the entire production, but because of the whole meaning of the plot.  Whoever wrote this show was SO creative!  So much to learn and take away from this musical.

What a great way to spend a night with my Dad, my brother in law, and my love!

20 weeks = 5 months

Me and baby boy at 20 weeks

 (Does anyone else feel completely awkward taking and posting belly photos?)

How far along?  20 weeks, halfway there!

How big is the baby?  Our little one is measuring 9 ounces and is around the 15th percentile in size, all except for his 38th percentile legs!  I think he got those from both his mommy and his daddy.

Maternity Clothes?  I have one pair of maternity capris that I wear every so often.  I mostly like to wear comfy pants with a few new shirts I bought in a bigger size.

Sleep?  I definitely don't sleep through the night, but I never have anyway.

Best moment this week?  Seeing a healthy baby boy who couldn't stop kneeing and kicking himself in the head!  We think he might be a little rough and tumble ;)

Movement?  TONS...I love it.  Shane has also seen and felt the baby move too.

Food Cravings?  Nothing outrageous, but I do love string cheese, apples with peanut butter, and all kinds of fruit.

Food Aversions?  No food aversions anymore, thank goodness.  It was mostly the smell of certain foods that really got to me (like homemade meatballs...ew).

Labor Signs?  Between weeks 18 and 19 I was in the beginning stages of preterm labor.  Since last Monday everything is back to normal, and I couldn't feel more relieved and grateful.

Pregnancy Symptoms?  I feel like my backside is growing just as much as my belly!  I haven't been overly emotional or moody, haven't been very sick, and I haven't thrown up.  I honestly feel so blessed with how good I have been feeling, and I hope that it will last.

What am I looking forward to?  Finishing our basement so we can begin putting together the baby's room, and so that my house feels clean again.  I can hardly wait to hold my little boy in my arms!

Weekly Wisdom:  This isn't really wisdom, but I thought that the nesting phase only happened toward the end of pregnancy.  I was so wrong!  I have been feeling the need to "nest" for at least 2 months now, and it's driving me crazy.  There is only so much organizing and cleaning that can be done, but my mind can't be convinced of that.  ;)

Five years...any more scares?

I felt the need to add onto my last post, to finish up the story from the 5 days we still had to wait until the "big day".
Wednesday night (the 25th) Shane said that he was having some serious tooth pain.  Coming from someone who has had their upper jaw completely removed and replaced, I unfortunately don't have a lot of sympathy for my husband when he complains of tooth pain or problems (this is something that I NEED to fix!).
Thursday morning (the 26th) he went in to see the Dentist, who, after x-raying his front teeth, presented Shane with the news that he had a HUGE infection that had been eating away at the root of one of his front teeth.  At this point, a root canal will not fix his problem.  Shane now has to get a tooth implant with a possible bone graft.  Anyone have an idea of how much this will cost?  Well, after insurance (which doesn't cover this particular problem...what the?) it will be around $4000.  Um, yeah.
Friday (the 27th)...the big day!!  We had an appointment with a perinatologist to measure everything in and around the baby to be sure that I wasn't losing any more fluid, and that baby boy wasn't still trying to come early.  Needless to say, Shane and I were terrified for the appointment, simply because of our history of anniversary bad luck.  What a complete relief it was to find out that everything is okay!  My placenta has moved to a better position, I have enough fluid, and our sweet baby is developmentally right on track.  The doctor told us that our baby boy was measuring quite small (but perfectly healthy)...looks like we might have a little baby on our hands when he arrives :)
So, it ended up being a very happy five year anniversary for the two of us yesterday, but we're anticipating what will be coming our way next year...
as long as it has nothing to do with the baby, we can handle anything.

***Shane, I am so blessed to be surrounded with your love.  What amazing adventures we've had, and the journey just keeps becoming more exciting with every bump, every turn, and every hill.
I love you...five years back and all the way to eternity.

the good...the bad...and the ugly.

THE GOOD:
My anniversary of being married 5 happy years to Shane is coming up this Friday.  What a celebration!

THE BAD:
For the past 4 anniversaries, either Shane or I have been treated for some medical issue...read on:

Year 1:  Shane and I celebrated our anniversary in California, and of course, we HAD to go to Disneyland (okay, maybe not "we", mostly "me").  Shane complained all day of feeling sick and lightheaded...and sadly I didn't offer him any kindness or sympathy.  The next day found us in the emergency room, treating a very bad spider bite that was beginning to cause staff infection.  (Sorry baby).

Year 2:  You all remember the awful soccer accident that Shane was involved in that left us not knowing if he would even survive.  Click here to read a bit of what had happened that night.

Year 3:  Shane and I were asked to be a "Ma & Pa" for our stake's pioneer trek.  The morning we left for Wyoming (which was the day of our anniversary) I became very sick.  By that afternoon I was found partly unconscious and quickly hooked up to IV fluids while dressed in pioneer clothes, in the middle of the desert.  We were sent home the next morning!  This whole story makes me laugh.

Year 4:  After an entire year of trying to figure out why I never healed from being sick on trek, I was finally diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder (any wonder why?  I couldn't let go of Shane's accident).  Right before our anniversary I began treatments.

THE UGLY:
Here we are at year number 5.  Unfortunately, we did not find ourselves with better luck this year.  One week ago, scoutmaster Shane left for a week at scout camp.  That same morning I began having complications with my pregnancy.  I was seen at the hospital for 4 days in a row, having treatments and tests done to be sure the baby was okay, and that he would stay in my body longer!  My Dad gave me a beautiful priesthood blessing, telling me that I would be able to feel my 19 week old baby moving strongly...and that because of his movements, I would be reassured that he was okay.  I am so grateful that baby boy has done just that...I can even feel him kick when I rest my hand on my tummy.  Things have greatly improved after the treatments, and I know that everything is going to be okay.

ADDITION TO THE UGLY:
I was supposed to be leaving this Wednesday with my Mom, Sister, and niece on a trip to Vietnam to be at my cousin's wedding.  Obviously, because of the circumstances, I will not be able to go (something about only being able to see a tribal doctor if something were to go wrong didn't seem like the greatest idea).  My doctor was so apologetic when he told me that I needed to stay home to be monitored, but what he needs to know is that going to Vietnam doesn't even compare to the desire I have for this baby boy to come to our family safe and sound!

BAD & UGLY THINGS ARE JUST BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE:
Is it not true that the Lord only sends us blessings?  Some of them may seem to be hidden in disguise, but all of them are for our growth and betterment.  I would like to think that despite all of the trials we have endured, Shane and I would love each other the way we do now, but I truly believe that it's because of the trials that our love has grown more than we ever could have expected.  The thought of possibly losing our baby has made our love for his tiny body feel like it's going to burst from our hearts.
Maybe the past 5 anniversaries haven't been exactly smooth sailing, but to be honest?  I wouldn't trade them for anything else.

My love, we have five days left to see what other scares might befall us before the big day...let's hold hands, seal it with a kiss, and say...
"BRING IT ON."
I love you.

This beautiful little baby is a...

BOY!!!

Don't worry my love...I'll catch up real soon!

17 weeks, 4 days.  

We love you baby boy...always have, and always will.

BOY...or GIRL?

I don't know yet either.  But if baby cooperates, we (that is, Shane and I) will know in one week!  

I would LOVE to read your votes on whether you think we'll be buying pink or buying blue for this baby...please leave a comment with your choice!

Can't wait to read what you think...