For one reason or another, yesterday afternoon found me sitting in my home with hot tears streaming down my face. I felt as though I couldn't stop my emotion as I pondered many events that have taken place over the past week...events almost completely out of my control.
Shane and I decided to get out of the house and go for a walk. I wanted to wear cool, comfortable clothes...but of course, I didn't have any clothing in that category that fit my changing body, and I felt frustrated. I ended up still wearing a comfortable outfit, it was just warmer than I would have chosen. As we stepped outside, the sun and heat hit us like a ton of bricks. I tried to keep a positive attitude as we began walking, but I increasingly became more frustrated and emotional. I just wanted a nice, cool walk to simmer my boiling emotions and freshen my moist, hot face. We ended up walking for about 10 minutes and came home.
As the day progressed, I couldn't seem to get myself out of that deep, dark hole that was holding me captive. My eyes were puffy from the tears, and my throat was sore from trying to hold back more tears. As I climbed into bed late last night, I quietly whispered to my Heavenly Father that all I needed was a little bit of rain...a little bit of rain to wipe away my sorrow and take with it the frustrations of the past week.
This morning it rained.
And it rained again,
and again.
Just enough to remind me that my Savior listens to my sorrow, and he understands my pain. Just enough rain to remind me that I am okay, really. Life brings with it sharp rocks sometimes, but as those rocks are tossed amidst the wind and running water, they become smooth and beautiful.
How grateful I have been for that small reminder, a reminder that has helped bring a little bit of the smile back to my face once again.
7 comments:
Byootiful.
You look so cute kenzie. Its normal to feel yuck sometimes when your preggo. no matter how great you look it still gets frustrating when you cant just slip into anything, like you could before. Noticing the tender mercies of the Lord is definitely a mood booster. thanks for this awesome post.
Someone as amazing and gorgeous as you should never have bad days! But even practically perfect people have to I guess. My day hasn't been great today either, Nutcracker is hard.
I'm glad you asked for the rain though it's so nice!:)
~Golda
Thank you for this beautiful outpouring of your heart. I just visited the Oregon Coast and one beach had grapefruit-sized black rocks instead of silty sand. (There is a picture on my blog.) Sure it was harder to walk across, but there was more triumph for so doing, and the beach was strikingly gorgeous because of those rocks. Now I have your beautifully expressed thoughts, of how rocks are made smooth, to add to my memory of that place.
Thank you for your testimony. I am certain you will continue to feel your Savior's love as you prepare to have your baby, because you know how to search for it. Good luck to you!
Jennifer (Circe's friend and mother of Emma from dance last year)
So I think I saw you the day you are talking about and I had NO idea you were having a hard day. You just seem so perfect with that beautiful smile and speaking optimistically about becoming a mother. You always seem like you're on top of the world... but I guess you don't always feel that way.
It is funny how we look at other pregnant people and think they are so cute but when it is us... it just doesn't feel that way. It just feels frustrating to try to dress a body that we're not used to. Oh but how they are worth it! ...and I know you know that. Am I rambling??? ok... I'll stop now. :)
...well but just one more thing. We LOVE you! :)
Love you Kenz, so glad I know such an amazing woman!
I wrote a very loving and uplifting comment to this post, but I was at my parents house so I wasn't logged into my gmail and anyway it all got messed up and wouldn't post. So just know that I love you and imagine what my comment would have said (of course I can't remember now).
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