As I try to reflect back on the eventful night of July 7, I find it nearly impossible to control my heartfelt emotions.
After many sleepless nights filled with haunting scenes - flashbacks of living a complete nightmare, I am still struggling to overcome what I witnessed almost 3 months ago. Although these pictures don't seem to capture the emptiness and loneliness I felt that night and even weeks after, they are a reminder to me of the pain, the suffering, the lack of confidence, and most importantly, my feelings of love for Shane, no matter what happened or could have happened to him.
The moment Shane was hit an eggplant-sized subdural hematoma grew above his left eye. Because of the impact on his brain and the bleeding that occurred, he had no control over his body, his emotions, his words, thoughts, his memory...
everything.
All eight members of the soccer team had to hold his body as still as they could, attempting to overpower Shane's sudden excessive adrenaline. The image I have burned in my brain of this moment is too difficult for me to recall. Fearing for his life, the paramedics quickly contacted life-flight. I watched as my husband, not knowing who I was or why I was there, had his jersey cut off, IVs attached to him, became immobilized to a board and swiftly was shoved into a helicopter.
As I met up with him an hour later at the hospital he looked just like this...lifeless. He'd lay with his eyes half open, not focused on anything...not moving a muscle, not even a twitch. After a minute of this, he would burst into frustration, attempting to pull off every cord and every monitor as we struggled to keep him calm and explain, again, what had happened to him. Then again...lifeless.
Completely terrified, lonely, and lost...this is how I felt that night in the hospital. By three in the morning all family members were asked to leave, and I was left in a cold, dark hospital room staring at the person I had given my life to...the seemingly lifeless person who couldn't remember who I was from one minute to the next. I cried, I waited, I prayed.
I wanted to kiss the sun as it awoke, and as it peaked over the east mountains Shane opened his eyes and said...
"KENZIE..."
What a miracle.
Although it was still unknown what Shane's injuries would do to our lives, he was okay...WE were okay.
After leaving the hospital Shane was able to come home. He slept for about a week straight, and wasn't able to do anything on his own. This is how he looked most of the time! Some of the bleeding on his brain drained down into his eye making it look almost black.
How grateful we are, and how blessed we feel for Brian's blessing during the complete nightmare we lived the night of July 7th. We both know that it is because of that priesthood blessing that Shane is not only here today, but doing incredibly well!
Thank you for your love, your prayers and your faith.
Thank you for all those times that you took my hand or picked me up off my feet and walked with me along this journey...
I could never have done it without you.
xoxo
Mat and Brooke said...
Sunday, October 04, 2009 
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Monday, October 05, 2009
Bryan and Allie said...
Monday, October 05, 2009
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Just dandee said...
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Luke&Megz said...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
After many sleepless nights filled with haunting scenes - flashbacks of living a complete nightmare, I am still struggling to overcome what I witnessed almost 3 months ago. Although these pictures don't seem to capture the emptiness and loneliness I felt that night and even weeks after, they are a reminder to me of the pain, the suffering, the lack of confidence, and most importantly, my feelings of love for Shane, no matter what happened or could have happened to him.
The moment Shane was hit an eggplant-sized subdural hematoma grew above his left eye. Because of the impact on his brain and the bleeding that occurred, he had no control over his body, his emotions, his words, thoughts, his memory...
everything.
All eight members of the soccer team had to hold his body as still as they could, attempting to overpower Shane's sudden excessive adrenaline. The image I have burned in my brain of this moment is too difficult for me to recall. Fearing for his life, the paramedics quickly contacted life-flight. I watched as my husband, not knowing who I was or why I was there, had his jersey cut off, IVs attached to him, became immobilized to a board and swiftly was shoved into a helicopter.
As I met up with him an hour later at the hospital he looked just like this...lifeless. He'd lay with his eyes half open, not focused on anything...not moving a muscle, not even a twitch. After a minute of this, he would burst into frustration, attempting to pull off every cord and every monitor as we struggled to keep him calm and explain, again, what had happened to him. Then again...lifeless.
Completely terrified, lonely, and lost...this is how I felt that night in the hospital. By three in the morning all family members were asked to leave, and I was left in a cold, dark hospital room staring at the person I had given my life to...the seemingly lifeless person who couldn't remember who I was from one minute to the next. I cried, I waited, I prayed. I wanted to kiss the sun as it awoke, and as it peaked over the east mountains Shane opened his eyes and said...
"KENZIE..."
What a miracle. Although it was still unknown what Shane's injuries would do to our lives, he was okay...WE were okay.
After leaving the hospital Shane was able to come home. He slept for about a week straight, and wasn't able to do anything on his own. This is how he looked most of the time! Some of the bleeding on his brain drained down into his eye making it look almost black.
How grateful we are, and how blessed we feel for Brian's blessing during the complete nightmare we lived the night of July 7th. We both know that it is because of that priesthood blessing that Shane is not only here today, but doing incredibly well!
Thank you for your love, your prayers and your faith.
Thank you for all those times that you took my hand or picked me up off my feet and walked with me along this journey...
I could never have done it without you.
xoxo
What a beautiful post Kenzie!
You will always be so glad that you wrote down that experience in such fine detail. Because soon, the details will slip from your memory and it will all become a blur.
Our family has such a love for you and Shane and we're SO grateful that you're such a big, wonderful part of our lives!
I love you!
You will always be so glad that you wrote down that experience in such fine detail. Because soon, the details will slip from your memory and it will all become a blur.
Our family has such a love for you and Shane and we're SO grateful that you're such a big, wonderful part of our lives!
I love you!
What a post. I am sure it took a lot out of you to put all of those feelings down. I am glad that you would share them. Being far away I feel like I miss out on being around. I think you are amazing in many many ways, going through this as strongly as you have is just one of them.
Love ya Kenz!!!
Love ya Kenz!!!
You express your emotions beautifully. I am so glad you wrote all this down. You will be glad you did. You are an amazing addition to our family, Kenz. Thank You for loving Shane so deeply. Thank You for caring for him. I am so grateful he is recovered. It really is a miracle. Love you both.
hey kenz! I found your blog through lauren's! Ok so your post my me cry...a lot. You are a beautiful writer and I'm so glad Shane is ok. You two are a wonderful couple and Heavenly Father knew that Shane needed to stick around so you two could be such a great example to other couples...to me. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, but at least I got to see pics of you on your blog! lol. You're the greatest Kenz, thanks for being someone I can look up to and a friend I can depend on always helping me be better!
15 comments:
What a beautiful post Kenzie!
You will always be so glad that you wrote down that experience in such fine detail. Because soon, the details will slip from your memory and it will all become a blur.
Our family has such a love for you and Shane and we're SO grateful that you're such a big, wonderful part of our lives!
I love you!
I'm so glad he is doing better! I cannot even imagine what they must have been like!
Hello Sweetheart, this is Mom. What a beautiful, heartfelt post. How grateful all of us are for the two of you. I'm so sorry that you still struggle with images of that dreadful night and I pray that that part of this whole ordeal will one day be only a strength to you. I love you, Mom.
p.s. It's so nice to see some new posts. I love it...
Kenzie and Shane,
I am so glad to hear that everything is getting better. Our thoughts and prayers have been with you since we heard about that night. You are both such wonderful people and your strength and grace is a huge example to so many!
You are so strong Kenz. The Lord knew you could make it through that trial and so that is why he blessed you with that! We love you so much and are always here for you!
Kenz, That has got to be so hard to look back on! I'm so glad things are looking up for you guys now! Hope it stays that way!
I'm so glad that wrote this down and shared it with us. You are such an amazing person! We are so happy things worked out the way they did. We love having you guys as our neighbors! You are the best. Love you both :)
Your post made me cry a little. I just can't even imagine what that would be like. You are such an amazing person. I can't believe all that you handle in your life. You are such an amazing example to me. I just love you, and I am so glad that Shane is doing well!
Kenz, I am so glad to hear that things are going better and Shane is safe. What a tragic accident. I cannot even imagine being in your shoes. We continue to pray for you guys. We love you both.
Wow, Kenzie, you sure are a strong girl, that's for sure. I can't imagine going through that. That really was a beautiful post and I'm sure you are an inspiration to a lot of people. I'm so glad everything turned out well.
What a post. I am sure it took a lot out of you to put all of those feelings down. I am glad that you would share them. Being far away I feel like I miss out on being around. I think you are amazing in many many ways, going through this as strongly as you have is just one of them.
Love ya Kenz!!!
You express your emotions beautifully. I am so glad you wrote all this down. You will be glad you did. You are an amazing addition to our family, Kenz. Thank You for loving Shane so deeply. Thank You for caring for him. I am so grateful he is recovered. It really is a miracle. Love you both.
Hi Kenz-I found your blog...
Thanks for sharing this, and for helping me remember how important life and love is and especially the ones you love! I am so glad that Shane was able to be healed.
Hey Kenzie, I was looking and Ju's blog and found yours. I have to say that you made me cry! you are excellent at relating your emotion...wonderful writter!!!! :O) anyway I added your blog to mine, which is laurenandrussell.blogspot.com
hey kenz! I found your blog through lauren's! Ok so your post my me cry...a lot. You are a beautiful writer and I'm so glad Shane is ok. You two are a wonderful couple and Heavenly Father knew that Shane needed to stick around so you two could be such a great example to other couples...to me. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, but at least I got to see pics of you on your blog! lol. You're the greatest Kenz, thanks for being someone I can look up to and a friend I can depend on always helping me be better!
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