Five years...any more scares?

I felt the need to add onto my last post, to finish up the story from the 5 days we still had to wait until the "big day".
Wednesday night (the 25th) Shane said that he was having some serious tooth pain.  Coming from someone who has had their upper jaw completely removed and replaced, I unfortunately don't have a lot of sympathy for my husband when he complains of tooth pain or problems (this is something that I NEED to fix!).
Thursday morning (the 26th) he went in to see the Dentist, who, after x-raying his front teeth, presented Shane with the news that he had a HUGE infection that had been eating away at the root of one of his front teeth.  At this point, a root canal will not fix his problem.  Shane now has to get a tooth implant with a possible bone graft.  Anyone have an idea of how much this will cost?  Well, after insurance (which doesn't cover this particular problem...what the?) it will be around $4000.  Um, yeah.
Friday (the 27th)...the big day!!  We had an appointment with a perinatologist to measure everything in and around the baby to be sure that I wasn't losing any more fluid, and that baby boy wasn't still trying to come early.  Needless to say, Shane and I were terrified for the appointment, simply because of our history of anniversary bad luck.  What a complete relief it was to find out that everything is okay!  My placenta has moved to a better position, I have enough fluid, and our sweet baby is developmentally right on track.  The doctor told us that our baby boy was measuring quite small (but perfectly healthy)...looks like we might have a little baby on our hands when he arrives :)
So, it ended up being a very happy five year anniversary for the two of us yesterday, but we're anticipating what will be coming our way next year...
as long as it has nothing to do with the baby, we can handle anything.

***Shane, I am so blessed to be surrounded with your love.  What amazing adventures we've had, and the journey just keeps becoming more exciting with every bump, every turn, and every hill.
I love you...five years back and all the way to eternity.

the good...the bad...and the ugly.

THE GOOD:
My anniversary of being married 5 happy years to Shane is coming up this Friday.  What a celebration!

THE BAD:
For the past 4 anniversaries, either Shane or I have been treated for some medical issue...read on:

Year 1:  Shane and I celebrated our anniversary in California, and of course, we HAD to go to Disneyland (okay, maybe not "we", mostly "me").  Shane complained all day of feeling sick and lightheaded...and sadly I didn't offer him any kindness or sympathy.  The next day found us in the emergency room, treating a very bad spider bite that was beginning to cause staff infection.  (Sorry baby).

Year 2:  You all remember the awful soccer accident that Shane was involved in that left us not knowing if he would even survive.  Click here to read a bit of what had happened that night.

Year 3:  Shane and I were asked to be a "Ma & Pa" for our stake's pioneer trek.  The morning we left for Wyoming (which was the day of our anniversary) I became very sick.  By that afternoon I was found partly unconscious and quickly hooked up to IV fluids while dressed in pioneer clothes, in the middle of the desert.  We were sent home the next morning!  This whole story makes me laugh.

Year 4:  After an entire year of trying to figure out why I never healed from being sick on trek, I was finally diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder (any wonder why?  I couldn't let go of Shane's accident).  Right before our anniversary I began treatments.

THE UGLY:
Here we are at year number 5.  Unfortunately, we did not find ourselves with better luck this year.  One week ago, scoutmaster Shane left for a week at scout camp.  That same morning I began having complications with my pregnancy.  I was seen at the hospital for 4 days in a row, having treatments and tests done to be sure the baby was okay, and that he would stay in my body longer!  My Dad gave me a beautiful priesthood blessing, telling me that I would be able to feel my 19 week old baby moving strongly...and that because of his movements, I would be reassured that he was okay.  I am so grateful that baby boy has done just that...I can even feel him kick when I rest my hand on my tummy.  Things have greatly improved after the treatments, and I know that everything is going to be okay.

ADDITION TO THE UGLY:
I was supposed to be leaving this Wednesday with my Mom, Sister, and niece on a trip to Vietnam to be at my cousin's wedding.  Obviously, because of the circumstances, I will not be able to go (something about only being able to see a tribal doctor if something were to go wrong didn't seem like the greatest idea).  My doctor was so apologetic when he told me that I needed to stay home to be monitored, but what he needs to know is that going to Vietnam doesn't even compare to the desire I have for this baby boy to come to our family safe and sound!

BAD & UGLY THINGS ARE JUST BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE:
Is it not true that the Lord only sends us blessings?  Some of them may seem to be hidden in disguise, but all of them are for our growth and betterment.  I would like to think that despite all of the trials we have endured, Shane and I would love each other the way we do now, but I truly believe that it's because of the trials that our love has grown more than we ever could have expected.  The thought of possibly losing our baby has made our love for his tiny body feel like it's going to burst from our hearts.
Maybe the past 5 anniversaries haven't been exactly smooth sailing, but to be honest?  I wouldn't trade them for anything else.

My love, we have five days left to see what other scares might befall us before the big day...let's hold hands, seal it with a kiss, and say...
"BRING IT ON."
I love you.

This beautiful little baby is a...

BOY!!!

Don't worry my love...I'll catch up real soon!

17 weeks, 4 days.  

We love you baby boy...always have, and always will.

BOY...or GIRL?

I don't know yet either.  But if baby cooperates, we (that is, Shane and I) will know in one week!  

I would LOVE to read your votes on whether you think we'll be buying pink or buying blue for this baby...please leave a comment with your choice!

Can't wait to read what you think...

Pixie Dust - Recital 2012

By the time Clytie Adams' annual recital rolls around, I'm left not knowing if I want it to end (for a much needed break), or keep going!  I taught more classes and hours this year than ever, and I LOVED  every minute of it.  I was able to teach so many talented and pleasant young dancers...they made me so proud....I can hardly imagine what it must have felt like to be their mothers!  Here are some pictures of their classes.

Yankee Doodle Dandy (cast A, first year ballet)

My niece Savanna is the third one up the stairs on the left side...I loved being her teacher this year.

Mermaid Lagoon (cast A, level 2 ballet - wishing I had a recital picture)

Crocodile Mountain (cast B, level 2 jazz...oh boy we had fun!)

I did not get a picture of cast A beginner jazz

Aries from the Zodiac (cast B, pre-pointe)

Fairylands (cast A, pre-pointe)

I am so blessed to be able to teach for Clytie, and that I have a husband who supports me enough to ask that I keep teaching when I have the baby (he is clearing his schedule around mine so he can be home to watch our little one for a few hours each week).  I love being able to teach with women that I look up to, and who will be great friends for life.

2012-2013...bring it on!

The race that I didn't intend to run

This morning my family had the wonderful opportunity of participating in the "Leg up for Life" fundraiser for a local girl who needs a prosthetic leg.  Mom, Shane, and myself were all helpers with the 5K run.  I can't shake the thoughts I have been having about one of the little runners, so I thought I'd share.
It seemed that all of the runners had passed, so mom began cleaning up her area when she saw a young boy in the distance, running toward her post.  She recognized the boy as a friend of my nephew's.  As the boy approached my mom could tell that he was really struggling, and he was crying.  Since he knew who she was, my mom offered to drive him back to Davis High School so he could stop running.    All he told her is that he wanted to finish the race.  Mom gave him her water, and called to let me know that he was on his way toward me.
As the young, red-faced, teary eyed, very tired boy approached me, I put my arm around him and told him that I'd be happy to take the shortcut back to Davis and walk it with him.  He told me, as he had my mom, that he wanted to finish the race.  I couldn't let him do it alone.  The other runners were far, far in front of him, and he was clearly struggling.  I gave mom my chair and purse and said, "Well then, I'll run with you."
In my flip flops and white skinny jeans, the tired boy and I ran together the rest of the 2 miles to the finish line.  It wasn't easy (for either of us), but how grateful I felt that we did it together.
As we were running, I thought a lot about my Savior, Jesus Christ.  There are so many times in my life that he has stopped by and offered help to me, so many times when I thought I could do it on my own.  How blessed I feel that he knows my needs...that he will stop yet again, no matter how many thousands of people need help too, and be with me.  Walk with me.  Run with me.  Carry me...  help me on my way toward crossing the finish line when I will be able to see him, kneel at his feet, and thank him for never ceasing to believe in me.
I'm sure that sweet, young boy will never forget the race he ran today, and I will never forget the silent lesson I learned as I ran it with him.

The Happiest Place

I LOVE Disneyland.  Shane likes it because I love it.  

My brother also LOVES Disneyland (probably more than I do).  His wife likes it because Eric loves it.

So, the four of us took a trip to the happiest place on earth!

Eric, Nina, Kenzie, Shane

I absolutely love Splash Mountain pictures...especially where Shane has buried himself in the rain cover for his backpack!

We had ONE weekend that would work for all of us to head to California...too bad that weekend also fell on the opening of Cars Land in California Adventure Park!  This picture was from our second day at Disneyland.  People had camped out overnight for the grand opening, and by the time we arrived at 7:45 AM, the line to get in to CA park was IN SANE, and the park didn't even open until 9 AM!  This picture honestly doesn't do it justice.  

Needless to say, we didn't attempt Cars Land (and we were fine with that).  Some people said they waited in a 6 hour line to just ride one ride from Cars Land.  WOW. 

By Saturday (our third day at Disneyland) California Adventure Park didn't look NEARLY as crazy, so we headed over to ride some rides as we arrived.  California Screamin', and Soarin' over California didn't even have a wait!  (everyone was in Cars Land)

And if you've ever been to Disneyland, you would know that this was a picture worth taking.  Even when we went in January there was a 45 minute wait for Toy Story's Midway Mania.

Despite all the crowds, Sully found me sitting on this bench and made his way over to give me a hug and a kiss!  I thought I was going to die at first because he is so HUGE, plus I was sitting down, but it was a really fun experience.  (Sully is my favorite character at Disneyland...)

We ended our trip with the amazing World of Color Show (which Shane hadn't ever seen).  That show is so incredible it honestly makes me feel a bit emotional!  (I'm sure that couldn't be the pregnancy hormones taking effect...)

It was so fun to get away with Shane, and my brother and his wife for a 3 day getaway to Disneyland...and I feel so blessed that I didn't get sick once while we were there.  

Disneyland...I LOVE YOU! :)

We prayed for you, baby.

November 11, 2011 (taken from my journal)

"The other night I had a strong prompting to open my scriptures.  I searched passages about peace, as I was hoping to find that in my own heart.  My eyes swiftly fell upon a scripture that I was not searching for: D&C 19:38

"Pray always, and I will pour out my spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing - yea, even more than if you should obtain treasures of the earth..."

I knew at that moment that my Savior was ready to hear me, carry my burden, and bless me with the peace that I so longed for.  My eyes filled with tears as I reflected upon what my greatest blessing would be...something even greater than treasure...a sweet, little baby.

So, I will pray.  I will practice even more patience, I will patch up my faith.  I will be more Christlike and fill my heart and home with happiness and peace.  It isn't easy, and I'm not sure if it ever will be, but the moment I see my sweet one it will be worth every struggle.  My fears are human and so real.  I am afraid, but I continually hope for a miracle and will pray that Shane and I can be worthy of such a blessing."

We are thrilled to finally announce...

Our little miracle - 3 years in the making,

will be joining our family

December 16, 2012.

We couldn't feel more blessed!

I'll have the summer break, please.

Oh wouldn't it be great if I could simply order this at the fast food drive thru?

As previously mentioned, I have been working on choreographing 6 recital pieces for Clytie Adams' summer performance of "Pixie Dust".  I was surprised that coming up with movements and formations for all 6 dances seemed to come quite easily...phew!  However, I am finding myself at a standstill.
2 out of my 6 dances are finished.
4 out of my 6 dances need a choreographed exit...that I can't figure out.
I am so stuck...like an ant stuck in honey...like my cat getting stuck 50 feet up in a tree.  I am out of juice.  No ideas.  Zip.  Zero.  Zilch.
Many have asked me why I don't have them gracefully run off the stage.  This is why:
I am one to believe in a GRAND ENTRANCE, as well as a GRAND EXIT...which means I still have my work cut out for me until I can figure this out.
I am devoting today toward finishing my grand exits, and then I'll order my break.  (which will come in the form of an afternoon nap).

Here's what's up.

A LOT of school & work,
and A LOT of choreography.
Lately I feel like Shane and I don't even get one second to see each other, and I miss him SO SO much.  When he is home, I am gone.  When I am home, he is gone.  And if there is a moment where we are both home together, I am most likely working on my 6 pieces of choreography for this year's recital.

For my journaling, here is a look at our weekly schedule:
MONDAY: Shane works from 7am to 11pm.  I teach from 4pm to 7pm.
TUESDAY:  Shane is at school from 7am to 12pm.  He volunteers to interpret from 12pm to 3pm.  I teach from 4pm to 5pm.  Shane goes back to school from 5:30pm to 8pm.  I teach from 8pm to 9pm.  WOW.
WEDNESDAY: Shane works from 7am to 6pm.  He has mutual from 7pm to 9 pm.  I teach from 5pm to 7pm.
THURSDAY: Refer to Tuesday. Blah.
FRIDAY:  Shane works from 7am to 7pm, I teach from 5pm to 7pm.  Finally, a little time left for each other...except if Shane has a camp out for scouts.  Then I don't see him at all until Saturday night.

Although it feels like my Shane is gone ALL THE TIME, I am extremely grateful for the time he puts into making our future a little more bright.  He NEVER complains about lack of sleep (even though he has to wake up at 5:30 am every day), and whenever I'm desperate, he always seems to be able to offer me the time and attention that I need without seeming preoccupied with everything else he has going on.

I love him...and I love what we have together.  I love knowing that we are building a strong future together, one step at a time.  I love that our patience has been tried, and that our faith has been built.  I love knowing that no matter how hard some days may be, being together always wipes away all of the darkness and all of the hurt.  I love that we have each other.

As Elder Holland put it, "The formula of faith, is HOLD ON."  
We can do that.  
We can hold on to each other.

Here is where it began.

Exactly 5 years ago today, April 1st 2007 (my 19th birthday), my Shane took me to the 1st Sunday session of General Conference.  After the session was over we walked over to take pictures in front of the temple.  We handed our camera over to a young couple, and went to 'pose' for the picture.  As we approached our spot, Shane gently knelt on one knee.  I will never forget the way his eyes shone as he asked to have my hand for eternity.

How blessed I am to have Shane. 

Oh how much I love and adore him!

How grateful I am that we chose on forever. 

Just a couple things about this guy:

Mister Shane loves all animals....

He is extremely talented at making working toys out of surgical supplies during extra long operations...

He loves the outdoors,

And also loves children...

And the most exciting news about this guy?  

He can still squeeze into his scout shirt from when he was a teenager.  

Impressive.

I love my Mister Scoutmaster!

(He looks pretty handsome too!)

Little transformation

Shane and I decided that after 3 years of living in our home, it was about time to put up some pictures on our big wall in our family room.  It took us awhile to try to figure out how we'd like to put up some pictures of family without it looking messy.  I think what we were able to come up with (that was still  within our budget) worked out great! 

before:

after:

before:

after:

When standing in front of the red framed mirror, your face can be seen...Shane and I want visitors to know that everyone belongs within the walls of our family when they are in our home!

Preface: I'm not entirely a dog person

I'm also NOT a runner.  Or even a jogger for that matter.
With that being said, our little Dundee has been quite lucky on three different occasions to go JOGGING with me (yes, you heard that right...three occasions).
I can jog for maybe one mile without feeling like I'm going to stop breathing and pass out (wow, am I that out of shape?) so it goes to show that I don't jog very far from home.
However, on each of these 3 occasions, about a quarter through our jaunt, Dundee and I always seem to be accompanied by one or two EXTRA DOGS. 
Reminder: I'm not entirely a dog person.  I love Dundee, but that's about all I can handle.
These dogs always end up following me all the way back to my house - all while I am tripping and maneuvering through each of them, and doing my best to avoid their slobber.  Here's the best part: none of them ever know how to get back to their own homes.  So each time I come home with one or two extra pups, I have to call the owner, and walk the dogs back home to where they belong.

These three experiences have helped me to learn these three very important things:
1.  I have no desire to become a dog whisperer.
2.  I think it's time for me to stop jogging... I think I'm bound to run into more dogs if I do so. 
3.  I love walking...with just ONE dog.  I'm going to stick with that from now on.

Making the best of it.

Making the best of this winter that is.  Or should we even call it that?  I'm not sure if this season is deserving of such a name quite yet.  It just feels cold.  The other day I realized that I still haven't had to put on my snow tires, which I love to do to give my summer tires a much needed break.  I also noticed that my darling little tulips are beginning to make their appearance, and I wanted to shove them back into the ground to let them hibernate until the sweet sun warms things up around here.  Either way, Shane and I have decided that it's time to get out and enjoy the little bits of winter that we do have, seeming that the snow can melt in less than one good sunny day.

Shane and I strapped on our snowshoes and enjoyed following along the bank of the stream.  Last year we came across a young moose walking in the river that we were able to watch for awhile.  We didn't have such luck this year, but the scenery and company were amazing!

Shane also took Dundee on a hike up Adam's Canyon.  We're pretty proud of this puppy for making it all the way up and down himself...even when he had to walk in chest-deep frozen water!

However, on most of the cold days we decide to stay indoors - which means that starting at 10:00 every morning I will find my two little fur balls basking in the sun's warm glow together. 

 Doesn't get much cuter than that...I love these two.

I am trying to convince myself to find some positivity about our weather...it seems that I'd rather get a boatload of snow, or have it magically turn to spring...but I'm not in charge, so it's time that I change my attitude.  I hope all of your cold, gray, snowless days can be GREAT, and I know mine will be too - once I sit down to my half peanut butter and honey sandwich every afternoon!

27

Well Shane has done it again...he had another birthday!  He told me that 27 just seems WAY too close to 30, and he isn't totally sure how he feels about that.  I say - BRING IT ON!  With every birthday comes new adventures and exciting things to learn, and knowing Shane, he will be plowing into every opportunity head on.  

What a blessing it is to be married to someone who always has such a positive outlook on everything life throws our way.  

What a blessing it is to spend every minute with a man who enjoys having SO MUCH FUN...always!  

What a blessing it is to call Shane ALL MINE, for ALL ETERNITY.

Shane's best friend Jeff made it possible for us to go skiing at Park City for Shane's birthday.  We packed in so much ski time from open to close, and we had a BLAST.

{Shane, Kenzie, Hillary, Jeff}

Shane is a very talented skier and snowboarder, and is able to teach me so much about it because he was an instructor at Powder Mountain for years.  It is so fun for me to learn from him, but also SO much fun to watch him be so in 'his element'.  He truly is amazing!

Happy Birthday my Love!  I can't thank you enough for the great amount of happiness you have brought into my life.  You are and always will be my ONE AND ONLY!

xoxo

"Be Not Afraid"

"Be Not Afraid"

For quite awhile my love and faith in my Savior has grown.  I have learned to rely upon him, and asked that I be given the strength to trust in his eternal plan for me.

During my darkest hours, Jesus Christ has touched my heart and helped to ease my ache - no matter what trial I had been suffering.  Those tough moments have allowed me to grow closer to the Savior...to let him into my life to help lift my burden.  

I truly believe that no matter how deep or how dark the pain any of us feel, Jesus Christ is always there to reach his hand out to ours and pull us to safety...to a place of contentment and peace.  How blessed I feel to always have the companionship of the holy spirit, and eternal comfort of my Savior.  I know that he hears my prayers...and I trust in him to guide me...always.

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14

we are family.

FERGUSON FAMILY PICTURES, JULY 2011

STRATFORD FAMILY PICTURES, AUGUST 2011

set backs & still moving forward

A week ago I went in for another surgery on my right TMJ and a tissue graft for my gums.  One of these days I'm certain this will all be behind us, but for now I'll be slurping on smoothies and dreaming about chewing anything once these three weeks are over...
On the upside, there are so many great things happening in our lives.  Shane has officially graduated with his RN degree from Weber State University, and we just found out that he successfully passed his board exams.  Shane was approached by a manager at Intermountain Medical Center and asked if he would be a nurse there before he had even applied for the job, and he will be able to still work in the OR - just what he loves most.  He is continuing his education and will earn his BSN in December.  I can't even express  how proud I am of this guy...nursing school was no easy experience for either of us, but HE got us through it with flying colors.
Currently we are in Newport Beach California enjoying the hues of blue and green all around us.  We were lucky enough to tag along with my parents to their timeshare to give Shane some time to relax after graduation, and allow me some time to heal and not be swarmed with teaching and my calling right after my operations.  What a wonderful way to relax together!
Shane and I have been commenting about how abundantly blessed we have been lately...it is clearly obvious to us that the Lord has a plan, and when we give, so will he.  Trials will be followed by blessings - of this we are sure because we have experienced it over and over throughout our 4 1/2 years of beautiful marriage.
We love you, our family and friends, for uplifting us during every set back...it's you who help us to keep moving forward with a skip in our step and our chins held toward the sun.  Thank you!